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Funny Christmas Quotes, Sayings and Jokes
Funny Christmas quotes are a fun way to celebrate and enjoy your time around Christmas. These humorous sayings and quotations help you laugh and cherish this special time of the year with your family and loved ones.
So here you can find top Christmas funny quotes and sayings for you to enjoy...
"Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music."
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present."
"Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas."
John Cleese, "Mony Python"
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Frank McKinney Hubbard
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
More Funny Christmas Quotes
Enjoyed the funny quotes above about Christmas and New Year? Then you are also going to enjoy these new funny Christmas quotes...
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts.
Max Lucado, God Came Near
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
W. J. Cameron
There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
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