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Famous Funny Quotes - Page 2

  

Looking for famous funny quotes and sayings? These funny quotes add more joy and fun to your day and helps you laugh when you might be feeling down. Also since these funny quotes are from famous people, they have deep insights we can all get inspired from.

Here are some of the best famous funny quotes for you...

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Mark Twain

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
Satchel Paige

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman

More Famous Funny Quotes

Enjoyed the funny sayings and jokes above? Then you're going to find the ones below even funnier and more humorous...

Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
Marilyn vos Savant

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." ~ Groucho Marx

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic." ~ Author Unknown

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." ~ Alfred Hitchcock

"Hard work never killed anyone but why take a chance?" ~ Edgar Bergen

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." ~ Josh Billings

"There is no reason to become alarmed and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the flight. By the way, is there anyone who knows how to fly a plane?" ~ from the movie Airplane

"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat." ~ Erma Bombeck

"I am so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have." ~ Dudley Moore from the movie Arthur

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." ~ George Bernard Shaw

"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem. It is generally only employed by small children and large nations." ~ David Friedman

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running." ~ Groucho Marx

"I don’t know what to say so I’ll just say what’s in my heart…badoom, badoom, badoom." ~ Mel Brooks

"I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I am the President of the United States and I am not going to eat any more broccoli." ~ George Bush

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." ~ Tommy Lasorda

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live." ~ Bob Hope

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I am halfway through my fish burger and I realize, I could be eating a slow learner." ~ Lyndon B. Johnson

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." ~ Mel Brooks

"A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers". ~ H. L. Mencken

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." ~ Steven Wright

"My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look." From the movie Crimes and Misdemeanors

"Love is the answer. But while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." ~ Woody Allen

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." ~ Yogi Berra

"Personally, I don’t think there is intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different than this one?" ~Bob Monkhouse

"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper."
~ Mark Twain

"If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything." ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz

For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

Would you like to see more famous funny quotes and sayings? Simply check out the next page for even more humorous quotes by famous people...

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